


you want to know who you are; it's going to be too difficult

by cettevieestbien



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, museum scene at end of film, saaaaaaaaaaad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 02:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4001917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/cettevieestbien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But you want to be Bucky Barnes again.</p><p>He sounds so wonderful. You’re not wonderful.</p><p>You’re ugly and evil and useless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you want to know who you are; it's going to be too difficult

**Author's Note:**

> a line talks about being above crying, but really, nobody is above crying, it's a natural thing to do Bucky is just really messed up and has a bad self-image and -confidence and mental state so please, if you gotta cry then cry it's okay you're human (unless youre ultron or vision, then you might wanna get that checked out)

You walk around the museum in a daze, thinking for yourself, something you weren’t sure you had done in decades. You were thinking about him, and yourself. He had said your name was James Buchanan Barnes.

You would find out more about that person here, in this museum. That was why you had come there in the first place.

You come across things that you recognize in some odd way. That blanket - he slept under it with you. Those boots - a friend wore them.

You don't have any friends.

You don’t remember any, at least, but the costumes are familiar, as well. It’s just….

The costumes throw you. You’re not sure why, because they’re just clothing, but you want to do something you know you haven’t done in decades - cry.

You see the one James Buchanan Barnes wore. You recognize it. It stregthens the heat in your eyes. You think, he wouldn’t want you to cry like this. You’re above crying. But he makes you want to, and you hate it.

He confuses you. You’re not sure what he ever wanted from you.

It's the face that mirrors your own that makes you think he was trying to reach out to you.

The face is James Buchanan Barnes' and the sidebar of information says his life story.

You read it. You know the name Steve. You know the name Rebecca. You have to take a deep breath. The tears are back. You clamp down on them, and strangle the notion of them.

You aren’t going to cry. You are going to think.

You really are James Buchanan Barnes. They really did take everything from you.

He really was trying to help you.

But you wouldn't go back to him. You'd tried to kill both him and his friends. Even the one you vaguely knew.

But you knew who you were now. You could deal with everything you needed to now, because you had something to cling onto. An identity.

You are James Buchanan Barnes. Not Asset, or Winter Soldier, or It.

You stay in the museum for the entire day, reading and re-reading the sidebars.

You’ll try to become James Buchanan Barnes again, but you’ll fail. And you’ll hurt him again, and maybe yourself. But you want to be Bucky Barnes again.

He sounds so wonderful. You’re not wonderful.

 

You’re ugly and evil and useless.

You know he won’t accept what you are now, so you have no choice.

**Author's Note:**

> im cry abt this


End file.
